A Women’s Need for Love
By: Raychel Chumley
A women’s need for love is a crucial concept for men and women to understand. Women have an innate need to be cherished and honored by the men in their lives. This is a God-given longing and deserves our attention. However, as much as a woman needs love…she also doubts her worthiness of it.
Wives long to be cherished by their husbands. They want to be valued, prized, and honored as equals. In fact, in the Bible men are told to show their wives honor and treat them as equals because they are both created by God (I Peter 3:1-2). They want their husbands to step up as leaders and providers.
But the truth is, many women have denied and hid these needs because they have been hurt by the men in their lives. They’ve been hurt by their fathers, their brothers, their uncles, their step-fathers, their husbands, their boyfriends, their mentors, their leaders, and even complete strangers. When they should have been cherished and protected they were neglected and abused.
This is when they start believing the lie that they not loveable. They start believing the lie that they are not worthy. They start believing the lie that God is like all the other men in their lives. They start believing the lie that God doesn’t love them either. In her book, Lies Women Believe, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares that this belief has enormous implications in their lives.
We look around at our relationships-a loveless marriage; rejection by an ex-mate; grown children who won’t call home or come to visit; approaching forty, and not a suitor in sight-and our feelings tell us: “Nobody loves me-not even God. He may love the world, he may love everyone else, but he doesn’t really love me.” If he did, I wouldn’t feel so lonely and unloved.” We’d never say this out loud-but that is what we feel to be true. So the seed of a lie is planted in our minds; we dwell on the lie until we believe it to be true; sooner or later, our behavior reflects what we really believe and we end up in bondage (pg. 50, 2001)
How To Feel Worthy of Love- 3 Ways
These lies can take root in our lives and produce a massive harvest. But there are a few things we can do to start defeating these lives. We can start breaking the walls down and allowing ourselves to love and be loved. Here are 3 ways to help you feel worthy of love.
- Find Out Who God is. When you start to find out who God is you start to realize that He is not like any man you have ever met. I know it is hard for you to believe me but trust me on this…God is a GOOD father and he loves his children more than anything. He is worthy of our trust and our love. It is so important that we don’t allow our view of God to be jaded by our experience with earthly men. Even the best of men are hopelessly flawed and will disappoint you. Start reading the Bible and see what God says about himself. I will even give you a few verses to start seeing for yourself why God is worthy of your trust.
- Find Out What God Thinks of You- Once you know you can trust God you can start trusting how he feels about you. He has created women to be loved, adored, and cherished. He did this on purpose, it was not a mistake. He created you this way because he LOVES you! It’s true! It doesn’t matter whether or not you believe that we are worthy of love, YOU are.
- Psalm 62:8
- Psalm 36:7
- Psalm 71:5
- Proverbs 3:5
- Isaiah 12:2
- Psalm 34:8
- 3. Realize that your self-worth is not determined by others- Seems like a “duh” should be inserted her. But, whether we like it or not too many women are living like their self-worth is determined by others. This is great when what they are saying about you (or have said about you) is truth and builds you up. It’s another story entirely when they speak lies and death over you. People are flawed and they will never see our worth clearly. What we believe about ourselves determines how we give and receive love.
I want to challenge you to start exploring for yourself what God thinks of you and why you are worthy of love. Women need to understand their need for love and not ignore it or push it aside. Men, we need you to step up and show us that you love us, honor us, and cherish us. That you understand a woman’s need for love. Women, we need to stop believing the lies and start discovering the truth about who we are and why we were created for love.